Next step....

Have you ever wanted something since you were 3? My Mom and Grandmothers will tell you I have asked for a baby since I was 3, not a baby doll, but an actual baby. My mom had a hysterectomy when I was 2, so when I asked her she told me she couldn't give me one, I was confused, so I just kept asking. Every Christmas and birthday when they asked me what I wanted....my reply was, a real baby.

Growing up we went to church every Sunday morning, night and Wednesday night, if my parents could not find me, they always knew where to look first, the baby nursery, that is where I would be, playing and cooing over these beautiful blessings. I always have been drawn to babies, my first real job was working in a daycare with little ones, I was blessed to be working with infants at one time too, it was so much fun playing with them all day.

At the age of 7 I received Christ as my Lord and Savior and was baptized. As the years went on I strayed away from the church, as many do. I still prayed off and on, but had gotten a little too far away from where I needed to be with God. 

 I never imagined this is how my road would go, I never saw myself at 31 and not having a child or 3 yet. But it seemed God has a bigger plan in mind. On New Years Eve 2009 I became pregnant by ways no woman should ever become pregnant, but after hearing the past year that it may be very difficult for me to become pregnant, I decided to push how I became pregnant out of my mind, and rejoice in the fact that I was pregnant. When I would have been about 9-10 weeks along I learned the baby had stopped growing around 6 weeks. I was devastated, how could this had happened? Why would God allow this to happen? I started to lean a little more back into my faith and into God after it all. Not the most idealistic reasoning to come back to Him, but God will use anything to get you back on track.

That August of 2009 I met the man of my dreams! He is everything I could imagine my husband to be. There God was showing me that if I had, had the baby I would have never met David. We started looking into several churches around our house, but never really found one we liked. Once we got married I knew we needed to really start looking and find a church home,In 2012 we found it!! It was just what we had been looking for! As you have all read, in the past 2 1/2 years we have been married, we have had our fair share of heartache, and frustration when it comes to trying to have a baby. With 3 ectopic's and now a total of 3 miscarriage's, our hearts are aching for God to show us mercy and grace.

But that is where I have to stop, God is showing us grace and mercy, He has never left our sides for one min, He has kept us going when we thought we couldn't, His mercy is new every day, and oh how I am so grateful for that!!!


David and I had a discussion about where we go next....we have looked at adoption in the past, but unless we find,  40,000 that will be hard for us to do. Our Dr has made suggestions on what to do differently, and told us that she would not transfer the one that is frozen by itself, we would need to do a whole new round of IVF. But, at this time I'm not sure David and I will try (using Dr's and fertility meds) to get pregnant anytime soon. I think we have decided to sell our house and build a new one!! We need to get our minds off of a baby (easier said than done) If God wants us to have a baby, then He will show us the way! I just have to take it day by day and try to recover and heal, all while giving God all the glory and honor He deserves.

I have had this aching in my heart for over a year now, I have been praying about it and it has been weighing on my mind an awful lot in the past few months. I was baptized as a young child, but as I got older I strayed away from the church, but now that I am back, I feel as though I need to rededicate myself to Christ, that I need to get baptized again. I want to fully surrender to Him and His will for my life, whatever the future brings I know that He is in full control, please pray that my heart finds peace and that I know what I need to do in this situation, I'm not one that likes a lot of attention from people I do not know, and I know as Christians we are called to show our faith and show it loudly to others to bring others to Him. I want to follow His will for my life, and I want to make sure this is something that will only glorify Him.

I know this has been a little random and every where, but I have had these thoughts in my head now for a week and needed to get them out-

Please keep us in your thoughts as we continue to heal and take our next steps in the path that God has for us. Pray that His path is so bright with His light, that every other way is dark in comparison, as we all know, God has to hit me over the head with things before I figure out it is from Him, as I tend to miss a lot of stuff!! lol

I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all of your prayers and support through all of this!! I love you all and can not thank you enough!!

until next time

God bless,
Randi