Praising Him thru it all!!

Wow, it has been quite a while since I last blogged!! This one will be a long one too so bare with me.......


With school, IUI treatments, and my 30th birthday, it has been quite a busy few months!!! Well in June we did our 4th round of IUI, this one sadly did not take, and we got a negative pregnancy result back. David and I quickly pushed past this and were ready to move on to the next round. Within a few days we were starting our 5th round. I prayed and prayed for this one to stick, I had dropped David off at the airport the same morning I went in to get my blood drawn for the pregnancy test. I had such mixed emotions, I wasn't really anxious, just really didn't know what to think. That evening I got the call from our Dr. My HCG was only at a 7. This was not unfamiliar territory for us....we went thru this last October. I kinda started to prepare myself for another ectopic. I went to church alone that weekend, and cried thru parts of the sermon. I went that Monday for another blood draw, not expecting anything, that afternoon they called and said my number had gone up to a 27, and that it was an acceptable rise in my # and to come in on Friday for another draw. I was not as optimistic as others, really was trying to protect my heart from even more pain. Thursday while I was at school I started to bleed....I immediately called my Dr and they wanted to do a sono to see what was going on....Thankfully David had flown home 2 days prior, and he was able to go with me. The Dr said that she really couldn't tell much from the sono, I was only 4 weeks and 6 days along, she said she did not see anything that alarmed her, and they drew more blood and sent me on my way....I got the call the next day telling me that my HCG had only gone up to 48. We knew then that this pregnancy was not going to come to term. I went in the next Monday to see where my levels were at, they had dropped to 23. At this point we were thinking that this was possibly a miscarriage, I was still bleeding during all this time....so I was guessing that my body was actually going to pass this one on its own, something it had never done before. I went in a week later to make sure my levels had gone below a 2. I was shocked to say the least when the Dr called and said my numbers were up to 88!!!! He stated that it could still be a miscarriage, but it could still be an ectopic as well, and my health was his first concern, and wanted me in the next day to do a scan to make sure he did not see any damage to my tubes. So thankful for my Mother, David had flown out that same day, and I didn't think I could go to this appointment alone, it just so happened she was going to be near my Dr's office at the time of my appt, so she was able to come with me!! My prayers going into this appointment were for protection over my body, that there would not be any damage to my tubes, or any other reproductive organ that would cause more complications going into any future pregnancy we are blessed with! Praise God for answered prayers!!!! Our Dr did not see any damage to anything!!! But he also didn't see anything in my tubes either.....but this is not uncommon for me, with our last ectopic we could not see anything either. So he drew more blood for another HCG, 2 days later we get the results that it had only dropped to a 66. So I went in that afternoon for shots of Methotrexate- the same drug I was given last October for that ectopic- this drug stops rapidly dividing cells (and that is what a pregnancy is) I went in this morning for another blood draw (I really feel like a pin cushion lately!)and I will go in Friday for another one, to make sure that my levels have gone below 2.


 My prayer for the next time we try- I ask God to heal my body from all this, so the next time we do the IUI that it will be successful pregnancy that is not in my tubes (or wherever it goes) that it will be down in my uterus. That the blood thinners I'm on will do their job and no colts form, that my body will absorb the folic acid properly with the help of the folgard I take, for David's counts to be high, and for the pregnancy to come to term, and we get to meet our baby alive and well.



 Seems like a lot of girls I know are getting pregnant. This is something I guess you can never prepare yourself for the feelings you have. Don't get me wrong, I'm so very happy and excited and love the fact that these women are pregnant, and in awe of their situation, but I would be lying if I said that a lil part of me just cries every time I hear someone else say they are pregnant, I know our time will come, when it is God's timing for us....I guess this is something within me I need to work on. I don't like the sadness I get from a friends joy....I honestly feel guilty when I let it upset me....I know I'm being silly...just some days are harder than others to keep every thing together.....


 A friend of mine shared this on her Facebook page today, and I thought it was just amazing, and so very true about our journey this past year, and for so many others I know still waiting to be parents, or for their 2nd child...Really hope you like it as much as I did, and get the message that I got from this....so amazing...

♥ WAIT ♥ Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried; Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied. I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . . And the Master so gently said, "Wait." "Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply. "Lord, I need answers, I need to know why! Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard? By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word. "My future and all to which I relate Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait? I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign, Or even a 'no' to which I can resign. "You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe, We need but to ask, and we shall receive. And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry: I'm weary of asking! I need a reply." Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate, As my Master replied again, "Wait." So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut, And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?" He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . . and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run. "I could give all you seek and pleased you would be. You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me. You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint. You'd not know the power that I give to the faint. "You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair; You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there. You'd not know the joy of resting in Me When darkness and silence are all you can see. "You'd never experience the fullness of love When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove. You would know that I give, and I save, for a start, But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart. "The glow of my comfort late into the night, The faith that I give when you walk without sight. The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask From an infinite God who makes what you have last. "You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee, What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee. Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true, But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you. "So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me. And though oft My answers seem terribly late, My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait." ©Russell Kelfer. All rights reserved.




 In other news this past Saturday I turned the big 3-0!!!! I am actually excited to see what my 30's will bring!! But I will save that for the next blog!! God bless Randi